E G O.
"Here we are setting out to do something. We have a goal, a calling, a new beginning. Every great journey begins here - yet far too many of us never reach our intended destination. Ego more often than not is the culprit. We build ourselves up with fantastical stories, we pretend we have it all figured out, we let our star burn bright and hot only to fizzle out, and we have no idea why. These are symptoms of ego, for which humility and reality are the cure." - Ryan Holiday ("Ego is the Enemy," p.6)
EGO IS THE ENEMY
Reading "Ego is the Enemy" in the age of social media is a bit of a juxtaposition. After completing this book, I compared its' overall message & theme to our world today and noticed a significant contrast. Today, it's expected for us to show every victory, bright idea, trip, promotion or new purchase -- anything we or OTHERS would deem an overall win. The realization that it's necessary for us to continuously keep our egos in check in the midst of pats on the back, likes, attention, degrees, business launches, book releases, etc. can almost seem nearly impossible. How do we truly remain humble in a day and age where we're encouraged to exploit our successes for the world to see?
"FOCUS ON THE WORK." -Afu Okosun
“Sobriety, open-mindedness, organization, and purpose - these are the great stabilizers. They balance out the ego and pride that comes with achievement and recognition.” – Ryan Holiday
Raise your hand if you're easily distracted? (Raises my hand!) I work a lot in coffee shops. Ideally, I prefer to work in shops located in less congested areas where distractions are minimal and everyone is focused on their work. Places with a lot of noise, loud conversations, or loud music serve as serious distractions for me. Now, let's look at this from a different angle, what can be one of the biggest distractions in our lives today? ... You guessed it, PEOPLE: people's criticisms, people's opinions, and people's PRAISE.
Let's be honest, it's an amazing feeling to have people applaud you. The recognition from those who mean the most to us and even those who have watched our journey from afar, can feel extremely rewarding. Especially when we have fought, clawed, prayed, cried, sacrificed, prayed & cried some more to prevail. But, what happens when recognition from others becomes the expectation EVERY TIME we perform at our best, knock out a goal, or accomplish the seemingly impossible? Striving to succeed in every area of our life for the praise of others can lead to a life of deep regret and extreme unfulfillment. The work we do throughout our lives should be driven by things much deeper and resounding than praise from people. Even if no one notices the work we put in, it doesn't weaken the fact that God has tasked us to complete to the best of our ability. The praises of people come and go, but the work we do and our motivating factors should keep us pressing forward.
'"In life, there will be times when we do everything right, perhaps even perfectly. Yet the results will somehow be negative: failure, disrespect, jealousy, or even a resounding yawn from the world. Depending on what motivates us, this response can be crushing. If ego holds sway, we'll accept nothing less than full appreciation." (p.176-177)
"We only have minimal control over the rewards for our work and effort. ..." Think of all the activists who will find that they can only advance their cause so far. The leaders who are assassinated before their work is done. The inventors whose ideas languish "ahead of their time." According to society's main metrics, these people were not rewarded for their work. Should they not have done it?"(p.178)
"It will happen. Maybe your parents will never be impressed. Maybe your girlfriend won't care. Maybe the investor won't see the numbers. Maybe the audience won't clap. But we have to be able to push through. We can't let that be what motivates us." (p.179)
"BE HUMBLE, SIT DOWN." - Kendrick Lamar
"Chatting with Mather as they walked down a hallway, Mather suddenly admonished him, "Stoop! Stoop!" Too caught up in his performance, Franklin walked right into a low ceiling beam. Mather's response was perfect. 'Let this be a caution to you not always to hold your head so high," he said wryly. 'Stoop, young man, stoop-as you go through this world- and you’ll miss many hard thumps." (p.74)
hu·mil·i·ty
a modest or low view of one's own importance.
freedom from pride or arrogance : the quality or state of being humble.
Humility is an admirable quality to possess. The ultimate example of humility for me is found in Jesus, I'm reminded of his example in Philippians 2 verses 3- 8 which states,
" Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." (ESV)
In my opinion, humility doesn't necessarily mean that you're the quietest, the meekest, or the person that takes less selfies than everyone else. When I think of humility, I think of an individual that is willing to put their own personal agenda aside to benefit others. Asking ourselves questions like, "Am I seeking self-glorification?"; "Am I using my voice, power, or influence to benefit others?"; "Am I willing to do what's best for the team even if it doesn't include me or my ideas?"; "Am I seeking out constructive criticism and maintaining an open mind to listen and apply it where necessary?"; can help us see if we truly do view ourselves as more significant than those around us. I believe it's necessary for us to check our motives, avoid the spotlight at times, give up our privilege to benefit someone else and spend time with those who challenge us in the uncomfortable areas of our lives. To tame our egos, it takes intentionality to remain in a posture ready to grow and learn from everything and everyone around us.
"...Do you know how you can tell when someone is truly humble? I believe there's one simple test: because they consistently observe and listen, the humble improve. They don't assume, 'I know the way.'" (p. 104)
"It takes a special kind of humility to grasp that you know less, even as you know and grasp more and more." (p.103)
REMAIN A STUDENT
"It is not enough only to be a student at the beginning. It is a position that one has to assume for life. Learn from everyone and everything... At every step and every juncture in life, there is the opportunity to learn- and even if the lesson is purely remedial, we must not let ego block us from hearing it again." (p.104)
"Great men have almost always shown themselves as ready to obey as they afterwards proved able to command." - (p.51)
There were a lot of good excerpts and lessons in this book. I hope that if you're not already aware of what drives you that you dig deep and locate it. Ask yourself, if I never received public recognition, applause, or praise for what I do, would I still do it? I pray that whatever your answer may be that you're reminded that your work is significant and know that what God has called you to, isn't tied to the praise or opinions of others. It's tied to a calling much greater and deeper, something that God tasked and predestined you to do before He laid down Earth's foundation.
I encourage you to stay focused on whatever your work may be. Whether or not people notice, the work must be done, and YOU must do it to the very best of your ability. In the words of the author, Ryan Holiday, "There's no one to perform for. There is just work to be done and lessons to be learned, in all that is around us."
With Love,
Katricia Denise
"Do your work. Do it well. Then "let go and let God".That's all there needs to be.".. 'Doing the work is enough." ( p. 180-181)
